Kevin Doherty, Adm., Parish of Clonmany

Welcome

Apparently, the happy feelings that come from being in love stem from three chemicals in the brain — these are noradrenaline, dopamine, and phenylethylamine. Good to know, but if that is all you put on a Valentines card … then the ‘happy feelings’ might not last that long! Perhaps it’s easier to start with the idea that, finding yourself on this page, could suggest that (thanks to the chemicals) your heart is racing that little bit faster, your palms might even be a bit sweaty, and that the butterflies are active enough in your tummy.

The technical description, of course, is: ‘You’re in love!’

And here you are … wondering what to do about it.

No one has a monopoly on love. Catholics don’t, or atheists, or Muslims, or whatever you’re having yourself. The difference is not about finding ourselves in love — the difference is on how we understand the source of this love. As Catholics we believe that love is not a coincidence, or an accident! And certainly the love of a couple considering marriage … it doesn’t come off a tree!

We believe that before anything was created, and long before that, there is a Dreamer of this love. This ‘Dreamer’ we often refer to as ‘GOD’, because (as Saint John reminds us in our scriptures, ‘GOD is love’). And out of that, then, everything we do in relation to the sacrament of matrimony, including a wedding ceremony, draws from and points to this core belief — that we believe in the Creator of life called ‘GOD’, and that ‘GOD is Love’.

This means, should you choose to get married in a Civil Ceremony, or in a secular environment, that, because those involved do not share our Catholic Christian understanding, they will (rightly) have different priorities in your preparation. On the other hand, should you choose to explore the way of a wedding in the Catholic tradition, certain pathways also will follow.

With that in mind, if you are exploring how best to mark and celebrate the love you share as a couple, it is critical that honesty and integrity are at the heart of all your exploring. The wedding ceremony, whether faith-based or secular-based, should reflect the values and choices you have decided to live by — not the values and choices of others.

To help you decide what is the honest choice for you, let us look at what is involved in choosing to be married within the Catholic Faith tradition.

Marriage is a ‘Sacrament’
When the Catholic Church teaches that marriage between two baptised persons is a sacrament, she is saying that the couple’s relationship expresses in a unique way the unbreakable bond of love that  exists between Christ and his people. The rituals and prayers by which a sacrament is celebrated serve to express visibly what God is doing invisibly.

In a sacramental marriage, God’s love becomes present to the spouses in their total union and also flows through them to their family and community. By their permanent, faithful and exclusive giving to each other, the couple reveals something of God’s unconditional love.

Pre-Nuptial enquiry
This ’enquiry’ does what it says on the tin — as long as it is not confused with a ‘pre-nup agreement’! The Pre-Nuptial enquiry is sometimes known as your ‘wedding papers’. They set out to establish that you are free to marry within the Faith tradition of the Roman Catholic Church, and that you have given the idea of being married serious and appropriate consideration.

Practicalities

• Our Church decrees that at least three months notice of intention to marry must be given to the priest of the parish in which you reside. He will then prepare your marriage papers, which must include a Baptismal Certificate, a Confirmation Certificate, and Letters of freedom (if necessary). All these must be dated within six months of the intended wedding date. These documents, included with your Pre-nuptial enquiry form, must be in the possession of our parish at least one month before your wedding.
• Marriage in Church implies a life commitment, and so it is essential to make adequate preparation. This includes the completion of a validly recognised pre-marriage course. This is usually undertaken with Accord
• For an inter-Church, or inter-Faith wedding, the Roman Catholic partner requires the permission of the Bishop of the diocese in which you reside. The priest of your parish will help you with this.
• An application form for a wedding in our parish is available from Parish Office.
• In Ireland the term given to a person licensed by the State to conduct weddings is a ‘solemniser’. Only a registered solemniser can perform a legally binding wedding ceremony. It is the responsibility of a couple intending to marry to ensure that the celebrant at their wedding is legally designated as a solemniser.
• Where the couple reside outside the parish, and have no immediate family connection with the parish, it is normal practice for them to choose a solemniser known to them (not, usually, the priest of the parish in which the wedding ceremony takes place).
• To celebrate the sacrament of Marriage does not require the celebration of Eucharist (Mass). While it has been generally the custom, it may not always be appropriate — for example in a “mixed” marriage or when a couple are not regularly practising. It is common practice today for couples, recognising it as more appropriate, for them to celebrate the Rite of Marriage outside the celebration of Eucharist.
• Marriages on Sundays, Holydays and some special Church celebrations (Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, St.Patrick’s Day, Holy Thursday, Good Friday, Holy Saturday, Feast of All Souls) are not permitted in this Diocese.
• A decision to get married in Church implies a commitment to our Catholic belief and practice. This underpins your wish to declare before GOD and his Church your desire to become husband and wife. Where difficulties of belief and practice arise (for either or both parties), it is best (and prudent) to address the issues prior to the wedding.
• Information regarding the celebration of the Rite of Marriage with our Parish Community is available from the Parish Office at +353 (0)74 937 6114